Arranged Marriages - Some tips for gals

Arranged marriages are here to stay!

Let's face it, when we talk about marriage in the current urban Indian context, the entire plethora of double standards of the society are unleashed to the partner seekers in their full strength. There are nuances of differences in caste, social standing, class and value systems between the two families to consider. There are things that people are willing to express explicitly, and then there is an ocean of implicit requirements. How young, educated boys and girls manage to find a partner for themselves who matches them physically, intellectually and emotionally is a mystery in itself, considering one has very limited time in which to interact with the potential partner and give a decision.

However due to our unique social construct and amalgamation of the old and the new that we live with in today's society, the system thrives and marriages out of love are still not as common as one wishes them to be! Hence a set of tips from people who have already gone through the experience, to choose a reasonable partner can definitely come in handy. Listed below are some suggestions from me to consider before you give the green signal to go ahead and during the courtship period before the knot is actually tied.  They are the result of experiences of a number of friends of mine seen over a period of ten years. These are purely for girls and provided from girls' perspectives only. I am sure guys have a whole different set of problems of their own to handle, before the actual decision is made!

Here goes:

• Do NOT marry someone who does not talk to you on a daily basis, unless he is in Kargil and cant come to the phone!! A person who does not show interest in talking to you and trying to lay a solid foundation during courtship period, will not even attempt to do so after marriage!
• Do NOT marry someone who does not make the effort to meet you often if you live in the same city. That shows utter lack of interest or a conflicting value system.
• Talk to him about his future plans and see if you are a part of them. Planning an excellent career with no space for a spouse or family life is no good.
• Do NOT go purely by your mother/grandmother's advice.they will talk about all the hardships they endured, compromises they made and how they still turned out to be happy. You are not your grandmother. They hardly had any say in the course of their lives - you do! You have not gone through near starvation, travelling miles on foot to reach school, marrying the guy you have never seen etc. You won't be able to make the kind of compromises they did. 
• Children do NOT make everything all right.They make it much worse. People will tell you from the get-go and also every time you face a problem in your marriage that you should have a child together and everything will be fine. Remember how people used to tell you to get married and everything will be fine!! It takes a lot of teamwork to raise a child together. Also, and very important, children sense your unhappiness. The best gift you can give your child is a happy home. It's up to you to find someone with whom you can build one. 

Following these tips is not an assured path to happiness. But it can help you filter out disinterested suitors whose value systems are completely different from yours. While the task of choosing the right partner may seem daunting, and even after all this, the resulting marriage complicated, it does get better with time. Everyone makes compromises for day-to-day peace. But that is not necessarily a good thing. You might wake up one day and not like the person you have become.