Arranged Marriages - Some tips for gals

Arranged marriages are here to stay!

Let's face it, when we talk about marriage in the current urban Indian context, the entire plethora of double standards of the society are unleashed to the partner seekers in their full strength. There are nuances of differences in caste, social standing, class and value systems between the two families to consider. There are things that people are willing to express explicitly, and then there is an ocean of implicit requirements. How young, educated boys and girls manage to find a partner for themselves who matches them physically, intellectually and emotionally is a mystery in itself, considering one has very limited time in which to interact with the potential partner and give a decision.

However due to our unique social construct and amalgamation of the old and the new that we live with in today's society, the system thrives and marriages out of love are still not as common as one wishes them to be! Hence a set of tips from people who have already gone through the experience, to choose a reasonable partner can definitely come in handy. Listed below are some suggestions from me to consider before you give the green signal to go ahead and during the courtship period before the knot is actually tied.  They are the result of experiences of a number of friends of mine seen over a period of ten years. These are purely for girls and provided from girls' perspectives only. I am sure guys have a whole different set of problems of their own to handle, before the actual decision is made!

Here goes:

• Do NOT marry someone who does not talk to you on a daily basis, unless he is in Kargil and cant come to the phone!! A person who does not show interest in talking to you and trying to lay a solid foundation during courtship period, will not even attempt to do so after marriage!
• Do NOT marry someone who does not make the effort to meet you often if you live in the same city. That shows utter lack of interest or a conflicting value system.
• Talk to him about his future plans and see if you are a part of them. Planning an excellent career with no space for a spouse or family life is no good.
• Do NOT go purely by your mother/grandmother's advice.they will talk about all the hardships they endured, compromises they made and how they still turned out to be happy. You are not your grandmother. They hardly had any say in the course of their lives - you do! You have not gone through near starvation, travelling miles on foot to reach school, marrying the guy you have never seen etc. You won't be able to make the kind of compromises they did. 
• Children do NOT make everything all right.They make it much worse. People will tell you from the get-go and also every time you face a problem in your marriage that you should have a child together and everything will be fine. Remember how people used to tell you to get married and everything will be fine!! It takes a lot of teamwork to raise a child together. Also, and very important, children sense your unhappiness. The best gift you can give your child is a happy home. It's up to you to find someone with whom you can build one. 

Following these tips is not an assured path to happiness. But it can help you filter out disinterested suitors whose value systems are completely different from yours. While the task of choosing the right partner may seem daunting, and even after all this, the resulting marriage complicated, it does get better with time. Everyone makes compromises for day-to-day peace. But that is not necessarily a good thing. You might wake up one day and not like the person you have become.

Advaitha: A Short Summary

I was curious to understand Advaitha philosophy of Sri Shankaracharya  for a while now since it is one of the leading spiritual philosophies widely followed in India. Also I belong to a community who are supposed to be the followers of Shankaracharya's Advaitha philosophy. Hence I read "Life and Teachings of Sri Shankaracharya" by P. George Victor and a translation of "Upanishads" by C. Rajagopalachari. While my study is in no way extensive, it was sufficient to help me grasp the basics of the philosophy. Here is a summary of my reading:

• The first learning was that, the Bhagavadgeetha is a much later text than the Vedas and was composed in its present state during fourth or third century BC.
• There is a dispute over Shankaracharya's time among scholars. While most scholars agree he lived during 788-820AD, Sringeri mutt, one of the main pilgrimage sites established by Shankaracharya, claims he lived around 44 BC!
• Shankara's time was marked by the accent of Buddhism which was perceived as a threat to the Vedic religion. This might have influenced his thought process.
• Upanishads are literally the end segments of the Vedas and hence called Vedantas.
• Shakara's major contributions are his commentaries on Bhagavadgeetha, Bhagavad Sutras and Upanishads called the Prasthanatrayi.

Main principles of Advaitha:

• Self and Brahman(The Supreme Being) are one and the same
• Brahman can be realized from Nishkama Karma (action without the expectation of gain), Jnana Yoga (the path of knowledge) and Bhakti Yoga(the path of devotion). Yoga here means useful deed and meditation.
• While Vedas uphold Karma Marga(the path of action), Upanishads say they need not necessarily lead to the final liberation. However Shankara says Karma Marga is also important.
• Brahman, as the inner self, Aatman, is neither enjoyer nor agent of the actions performed by the body. It is the witness, Sakshi, for the experiences and actions of the body.
• The Self, and thus Brahman is beyond the chain of causality. The chain of cause and effect is infinite as each cause could be the effect of another cause. Hence freeing oneself from the perception of causality leads to Brahman.
• Brahman, in true form, is attribute-less(nirguna), formless(nirakara) etc. The only way to describe the true Brahman is "not this, not this" - "neti, neti"
• Saguna Brahman (Brahman with attributes) exists for practical purposes, Vyavaharika Satya. It has attributes - it is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient. Saguna Brahma exists for those who pray and expect happiness, but not liberation, Moksha and knowledge. People who pray to Saguna Brahma attain happiness and after death reach heaven, but are not freed from the cycles of birth, death and rebirth.
• Shankara says Jnana Marga is superior to Karma Marga and grades worship like this: the first stage is image worship; the next consists of Japa and prayer; the highest is the form "I am He"
• However lower stages of knowledge is neither to be despised nor regarded as a concession to the ignorant man. As long as a man lives in this world, he uses any tool, which comes to his hand for his own Moksha.

To quote from the book "Life and Teachings of Sri Shankaracharya" by P. George Victor, "according to Advaitha Vedanta, Moksha is not something to be achieved, but it is the very nature of the self. It is not something that follows after death, and it is not to be understood in the sense of endless existence in some distant and unknown world. It is the attainment of highest state of consciousness through identifying the Self (Aatma) as Brahman. It is to be attained here and now while one is still in one's bodily existence. in other words, it is the realization of non-difference of the individual self from the Absolute self. Moksha is called 'experiencing non-duality' (advaitha-anubhava). A man who attains such consciousness is called 'the living-free', jivanmukta. 

While the above summary helps enhance my understanding of the key principles of Advaitha Vedanta, it raises more questions in my mind than answers them. Only time and further study can help them be answered.

 

Dynasty

What is all the fuss about some institutions and organizations being highly dynastic? About some countries, our's counted as one among them, still holding on to its dynastic characteristics, irrespective of supposedly being merit-oriented or socialistic democracies now?

Writer's son becoming a writer, artist's son becoming an artist - is it so immoral?

It's only natural considering that is the exposure they have got all their lives. That's the setting they have grown up in and seen assured success for their parents. Do all of us who don't take up the same profession or hobby as our parents really end up straying that far away from our roots? The changes we make so rebelliously - aren't they some variant of our parents' lives? Giving recognition to the offspring because of the parent's success can be deemed immoral. But when children choose the same path as their parents - can they really be blamed?